How do you get that Lonely?
by Cullenfamily4life
Summary: "The last thing I thought before I felt myself fall asleep against Edward's side was…I will never forget him. Everything I do will remind me of him no matter how much time has passed."Bellas Brother Michael committed suicide and now who will help her?
1. Chapter 1

Hey. So I'm back with another story!

Everything is pretty much back to normal with me so I thought I would upload another story along with updating my stories..

This story is kind of based on the song "How do you get that lonely" by Blaine Larson. The song is about suicide but when I watched the music video, it showed all of the loved ones of the guy that committed suicide driving to the funeral and it got me thinking.

This story is also mildly based off of some things in my life. But they are things in the past so let's get on with it!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my own ideas, a new TV and some pretty picture frames.

**BPOV:**

I ran. I just ran. I didn't look back and I didn't think. My mind was blank. Fog. That's All I saw for what felt like an hour. When I finally stopped I had to remember why I was here. _Oh yeah. _I couldn't deal with this right now. Why would he do this to me?

I woke up to light shining on my face and a blanket on top of me. _Where am I? _I quickly tried to remember where I had ended up last night. I remember crying myself to sleep and the soft grass beneath me. After that I have no memories of what had happened.

I started to panic when I heard a door handle turn and a door open. I looked quickly around the room and it looked oddly familiar. Almost like…_ALICE'S! _I was brought out of my thoughts when Alice entered the room just like expected.

" Hey, Hunny. How do you feel? Did you sleep good? Do you want any water? Or food?" Alice quickly said but soon stopped when she saw my face. I felt tears well up in my eyes but I wasn't sure why. I looked away so Alice didn't see.

"What happened, Alice? I don't remember anything. Why am I here?" I was almost afraid of the answer so when she opened her mouth to talk I looked down at my hands.

"Bella, do you really not remember anything? Anything about your mom or dad? Michael?" She was talking quietly and it made me wonder wh—

Memories of myself running out of my house and my mom yelling to me to come back and my dad chasing me. They all came back. One part especially.

"Alice? Did…Where is… Alice is Michal alright? Where is he?" Even thought I thought I knew the answer I didn't want to believe it. Alice quickly walked over the bed, where I was now all the way uncovered and pulled me into a hug. Her embrace was filled with love, sadness, and pure agony.

"Oh, Bella. You want me to start from the beginning. Nothing will make much sense to you if I just tell you." She cradled my head against her shoulder and I nodded my head.

" Well, last night we got a call from Renee. She said you had run away, she sounded like she was crying and we could hear Charlie in the background. She didn't say what happened, she just asked for us to come help find you. We were driving around town and I finally saw you curled up on the grass in front of greenwood cemetery…" She paused and waited for everything to soak in before she started talking again. Silent tears rolled down my face as she talked about the cemetery.

"We called your parents and I told them you would just stay with me. They were fine with it but told me to have you call them in the morning. They're devastated, Bella. Last Night when we were talking to your parents, they told Carlisle why you had run off. Bella, Michael died last night." It was true. I had remember correctly and now my brother was dead. Why would he do this? The image of the rope hanging from the ceiling will forever stay in my mind.

"Alice? Can I just go back to sleep? Call my parents and tell them I'll call them later. Thank you." She nodded and left silently leaving me alone to cry myself to sleep again.

I woke up again and then sun was setting. Earlier came crashing down on me and I remembered I had to call my parents. I look around and couldn't find my cell phone so I reluctantly got up and made my way downstairs.

"Alice, when do you think she'll come out? She's been in there for several hours since you left her. Maybe you should go check on her." Esme's soothing voice floating through the air and I quietly stepped into the room.

Carlisle sat in his big leather chair with a look of concentration on his face, Esme and Alice we sitting side by side on the loveseat and Alice's brother, Edward, who I only ever saw but once or twice due to the fact that he's never home, was sitting on the long couch in the back of the room with a look of concern etched on his face also.

"No, Esme, it's fine. I'm up." I forced a smile and looked down at my feet while everyone else looked at me. The first thing I saw was Esme's feet near mine and then I felt her arms embrace me.

"Oh, you're up. How are you feeling, Bella?" She pulled back to look at my face and silently waited while I thought about her question.

"I'm…okay. I just didn't know where my phone was. I need to call my parents, if that's alright."

"Of course, Bella. It's in the kitchen with your coat. Do you want me to get you anything?"

"No thanks. I'll just go call my parents." I went to turn away but Carlisle started speaking to me.

"Bella, you know if it's too hard to go back home or if it's too soon, you know you could stay here with Alice. Friends always make everything seem better." I smiled at his offer and then imagined walking though the front door of my house. If you went down the hall and to the left, Michael's room would be right there. It's hard to miss. I started to tear up again and then quickly answered.

"Thank you, Carlisle. That's very generous. I might take you up on that offer." I then went to the kitchen to retrieve my cell phone.

"Mom, I know you want me home, but it might be good for you and dad to get out of the house for awhile too. I just can't go back there yet. I can't get the image out of my head."

"I know, Hunny. But I just can't leave. You can stay at Alice's but I still want to see you. We get through this together. Alright?" Renee's voice was gentle but firm and all I wanted was to jump into my fathers arm and curl up just like I used to do when I was younger. I heard footsteps behind my and they were definitely heavier than Alice or Esme so I quickly ended the conversation with my mother.

"Look mom, I'll call later. Tell dad I love him and I'll see you guys soon. Bye." I closed my phone and slowly started to turn around.

Edward was standing near the fridge and just barely looking at me.

"Was that your mom? Are you going to stay here?" He fired off questions, and though he seemed nervous, he stopped himself and shook his head, " Sorry, that was really rude. You don't have to answer."

"No, it's alright. Yeah, that was my mom. I think I'm going to stay here for awhile. I don't think I can go back there yet."

"Oh, cool," He actually seemed satisfied but started talking again, "So, I don't know if you'd be up to it but Alice and I were going to watch a few movies tonight while Carlisle and Esme are out. Do you want to watch them with us?" He seemed hopeful but was probably just trying to cheer me up.

"Um, I don't know. I guess I will if you guy's don't mind me." I smiled at him then he grinned at me and said,

" Cool, they're leaving in an hour and we're going to order pizza."

"Sounds good, I'll just go up and take a shower then." I silently cursed at myself for saying that last part. _Did he really need to know you were going to take a shower, Bella? You probably grossed him out._

I quickly took a shower and went downstairs where I heard Alice and Edward in the living room and Esme and Carlisle's car backing down the driveway. I walked into the living room and saw a pizza sitting there on the coffee table and some drinks next to it.

"Hey, Bella. Guess what we're making Edward watch?" Alice was gentle but still excited as she made me guess.

"I don't know, a chick flick?" I saw Edward cringe at the mention of Chick Flick and I knew I had to be pretty close.

"Close! Fried Green Tomatoes! Don't you love that movie?"

"Alice.. Don't you think that's a little mean? We could watch an action movie or something. I wouldn't mind. I saw Edward look at me from the side of my eye and he smirked.

"It's okay, Bella. I don't mind. It's not the first time she's made me watch it with her." I laughed awkwardly and eyed Edward's hand patting the spot between him and Alice on the couch. I slowly walked over and got comfortable when I saw Edward's shoulders relax. Alice took a piece of pizza and played the movie.

I was hardly paying attention to the movie but I tried to. Somehow, I finally got my mind into the movie and it was right at that one part. The train tracks. At first I didn't see or hear anything. Then I saw Edward leap forward for the remote and Alice spit out the soda she had in her mouth. I fought hard to keep the tears inside but one silently escaped down my cheek.

We sat there for a minute, Edward still standing up holding the remote with the movie stopped and Alice just sitting there looking at me. I contemplated playing it off cool or just letting it all out but Alice started talking first.

"Sorry, Bells. I kind of forgot about that part. We can watch a different movie if you'd like. Or we could go up to bed." I decided not to ruin the fun for them and reasoned with myself that I was just being a baby and the worst part was over.

"No, it's really okay. Lets just finish the movie. I'm fine. Really." Alice agreed and took the remote from Edward but Edward didn't look convinced at all. He must have seen my face and decided not to push it because he came and sat back down. This time he sat a little closer to me and lightly put his arm around the back of the couch effectively putting his hand on my shoulder too.

Alice put her hand on my arm and lightly leaned against me while Edward rubbed my shoulder with his hand. It was oddly comforting. The last thing I thought before I felt myself fall asleep against Edward's side was…_I will never forget him. Everything I do will remind me of him no matter how much time has passed. _And then I let myself drift off and let Edward hold me.

So I know it was short but it's only the first chapter. It's not supposed to be long. If you like this story, go look at my other ones! I Know there are probably a lot of mistakes in this but I can't bring my lazy fingers to go back and fix everything.

So, Review please because I want to know what people think of the story I came up with in two hours.

Until next chapter(which will hopefully be soon) Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey Guys! So, I don't know if Fanfiction hates me or something, but I do put the Authors Notes at the end in bold. That is also one of my pet peeves so I'll make sure that it is in bold this time. **

**For those of you who were confused about what happened during the movie, The movie fried green tomatoes is basically a big family and one of the big brothers gets hit by a train. **

**Bella may be trying to hide what she feels right now, mostly she's in shock. I mean, she hates when people make a big deal over her and I'm saying there will probably be more than a few breakdowns in the story. I knew if something like that happened to me, I wouldn't be able to hold it together and I'd probably want to be with my parents. **

**And of course, I care what my readers think and I want to know what they want to read so if you have any ideas or special scenes that you want me to write, PM me! **

**For now, onto the story!**

**BPOV:**

I woke up in Alice's room again. I knew I had to go home soon. I wasn't the only one dealing with this. Michael was a "Momma's boy." My dad wanted a little boy so he could play catch with him, take him fishing, "Scope hot chicks" as Michael would call it. Michael and I were very close to our parents but we were even closer to each other. What we didn't tell our parents, we told each other.

Michael didn't have a girlfriend. He was two years younger than me and I was 17. I know most people would think it's weird for a 15 year boy not to have a girlfriend but my mom raised him with respect. He was waiting for the right girl to take his heart away. _Was._

As I started to tear up, I briefly told myself to not think about it. It just hurts too much. When I tried to get my mind off it, I wondered where Alice had been sleeping. I looked around her room and she wasn't in the chair in the corner, or in the bed next to me.

When I was about to go look for her, the door opened and the first thing I saw was a tray. I was expecting to see Alice's face next but was surprised when it was Esme's.

"Hi, Sweetheart. You want some breakfast or some company? I wasn't sure when you were going to wake up." She slowly walked to the bed and set the tray down on its legs.

"Thank you, Esme. Actually, I'm glad you came in here. I kind of needed to talk to someone."

"Oh sure, honey.. What do you want to talk about?" She had such a warm voice. It reminded me of my mothers. Just another reason I couldn't meet with my parents. Everything about them reminded me of Michael.

"Well, my mom said I could stay here for awhile but she still wants to see me," She nodded, probably seeing where I was going with this, " Every time I see my mother or father it reminds me of…him. He's a spitting imagine of him and I don't want to break down in front of them. I need to be strong."

"I know you want to be strong for them, Bella. They're trying to stay strong for you too. You look just like him, your parents are probably in the same position, but you know what helps you get through things?" She looked and me and I shook my head, "your family, Bella. Yeah, we're always here for you but we're not going through what you guys are going through. Your parents are the ones who can help you get through this and you can help get them through this, too." Esme had a motherly effect to her, even though she wasn't my mother.

Of course I knew she was right but I was too stubborn to actually do it. I guess I'm just being a big baby, but the circumstances weren't normal.

"I know you're right, Esme. I guess it's just hard for me to accept. It's so soon.." I trailed off and tried to focus on the food in front of me.

Truth is, I wasn't hungry, but knowing Esme, she would force it down my throat. Always asking me if I'm taking care of myself and eating right.

"I know it's soon, honey. You have to face your fears sometime but just know it doesn't have to be today or tomorrow. Take as much time as you need until you're ready" I had a feeling she was talking about multiple things, not just facing my parents.

"Thank you, Esme. Do you mind if I wait until lunch to eat? I'm never really hungry when I wake up in the mornings."

"Of course, Bella. Why don't you come downstairs. Alice and Edward are down there but Carlisle and I have to leave for our weekly breakfast with some old friends."

I took Esme's advice and went downstairs. Esme and Carlisle left just before I went down. I had to get dressed and do something with my hair.

Edward was walking past the staircase when I stepped on a creaky step. He quickly looked up at me and smiled softly. He stopped and waited for me until I got to the bottom of the stairs and then held his arms out toward mine, waiting to escort me wherever he was going.

"May I escort you to Ms. Alice, Ms. Bella?" He asked in a silly accent, but it made me laugh anyway. I think that was his goal, making me laugh. He felt bad about last night. I could tell.

"Why yes, thank you, Mr. Edward." He walked me to the kitchen and I finally had to put on my strong face for both of them. Alice was a whiz at reading emotions. Alice was sitting at the kitchen table reading some thick, tiny book. How could such a little ball of energy be calm enough to read that big book?

"Hi, Bella. How did you sleep?" Alice asked as she eyed mine and Edwards arms. I quickly looked down and noticed he was still holding on. I then looked up at his face and he smiled before letting go to go over to the fridge.

"I slept okay, Al. I've been wondering, where have you been sleeping? I kind of took over your bed, sorry." I looked up at her sheepishly then at Edward and saw that he sat down at the kitchen table too and motioned for me to sit down.

"It's alright, Bella. I've been using the guest room. I thought you needed your space." I still felt bad but once Alice make up her mind…

"Well thank you, Alice. I promise you'll be able to sleep in your own bed tonight. I have to go back to my parents. They need me…I need them." It was true, even though we weren't the worlds closest family, we were still close.

"That's good, Bella. I know with all that's going on you probably won't have much time, but call me. I'm sure you'll need a friend and I'm happy to help. Just let me know." Okay, this wasn't Alice. Sure, she could be sincere, this was just off… I miss my Alice. I thought the façade I put on would work, but she sees right through me.

Edward chose that time to speak up and offer as well.

"You know, the whole family is here. She's right, just let us know, even I'm there." It was quiet for a moment before I broke the eerie silence.

"Thank you, guys. Now, enough with the depressing stuff. I've had enough." As I walked to the front door to retrieve my coat and belongings, Alice and Edward followed me.

"Bella, I mean it. No one is strong enough to handle this alone. Talk to someone. Everything will be alright." Alice repeated.

As I was walking out the door, I remembered I didn't have my car. Typical Bell move. Couldn't have remembered it when you ran out, huh? I paused for a moment and turned to Alice and Edward.

Alice looked at my face once and said, " Bella, if you want a ride, Edward wouldn't mind driving you, would you, Edward?"

I looked towards him, and his eyes widened slightly but nodded his head. I started walking to the garage and saw a silver Volvo outside in the driveway. Edward made a move to go to the passenger side and opened the door, looking at me. I took that as my cue and got in the car. He walked to the drivers side and took off down the road.

As soon as he accelerated, my hands were digging into the seat underneath me. Edward must of noticed and slowed down saying, "Oh, sorry. Us Cullen's don't know how to read speed limit signs."

While chuckling, I said, "Oh, so its not just Alice." Minutes passed by in a comfortable silence and we were almost to my house when I decided I should at least thank him for driving me home.

"Listen Edward, You didn't have to drive me home, but I'm actually grateful that you did. Thanks, by the way." I knew I sounded like a dork, he probably thought I sounded like a little kid nervous to talk in front of the class.

"No problem, Bella. Anything I can do to help, I'm here." He looked at me as he pulled into my driveway and smiled. It was awkward getting out of the car, looking at my house, memories, and even more awkward knowing Edwards car was still sitting there, him watching me to see if I got in safely.

I opened the door and my eyes zoomed in on the hall. That long hall, the left side leading to Michael's room. I walked the remaining part of the hall and stopped at his door. My hand slowly came up and moved towards the shiny Tom Brady poster that hung lowly. My mind went to that day. Did they do anything with his room? His door was shut. It was never shut and they shut it. It's too painful.

I continued to think of that day. The many memories I will never forget, permanently glued to the inside of my brain. Never letting me forget.

I heard my mom, trying to pull me out of my trance. I turned to face her and felt her thumb wipe under my right eye. _I was crying?_

"Bella, honey. What are you doing? Why don't you come to the living room with your father and I. We want to discuss a few things." She led me to the living room, my father was sitting in his recliner. He got up to hug me and while he occupied me for as few moments, my mother found her seat on the couch.

After a few tears had fallen down my cheeks, I let go and sat with my mother. It was quiet in the room, the silence was deafening but I was waiting for my father to start the conversation.

"Well, Bella. Your mother and I were thinking about what comes next. It won't be easy for us, but it's a way we can honor your…brothers life," Charlie was never good with emotions; never had to deal with them. It was hard for him, Mike was his only son "We want to put on a funeral. Maybe bury Mike in our family cemetery. It won't be big, just small, then after the service, invite friends and family to the house. What would you think of that?" Charlie was always thinking of everyone but himself. I knew it would be hard on them, but they knew Mike and I had a special relationship.

"Dad, that would be great. I know it won't be the easiest but I find it is the right thing to do. Mike would want a small gathering, nothing big."

When we finished our business, I excused myself to my bedroom for the night. When I'm alone, I think. This normally would be fine, but being in the situation I'm in, It's bad.

I spent the next hour and a half thinking and trying to fall asleep. Now that I was in the actual house, It was harder to sleep. I finally gave up and wondered to Mike's room. I opened his door slowly, so slowly it looked as if it wasn't even moving.

The first thing I see is his bed. Even though he was fifteen, he wasn't too old to keep his first teddy bear. I still have mine, too. We had gotten matching ones when I was five and he was three.

On his bed post, were dog tags. I had gotten them for him when his thirteenth birthday came around. It was a "Hey, you're a teenager, now" gift. He thought they were way cool, "The rock wear them in his movies." So impressionable.

I didn't want to focus too much on the closet. I'd let my parents tend to that. It was too much too soon. I started to lay down while grabbing the teddy bear. I had to remind my mom to lock his door before the service. I didn't want anyone snooping through his stuff. He needed his privacy.

Sleep must have come easy after that, somehow. I woke up to my mom trying to open the door. Once she walked in, I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was already looking at me but she was teary-eyed and it made me want to bawl. I slowly got up, set the bear down that I was still clutching, and made my way to her. She wrapped her arms around me and led me to the kitchen where I saw Charlie already gone somewhere and orange juice on the table.

"Where did dad go?" I asked. Surely he would have taken time off for the death of his so, right?

"He got called in and as much as they didn't want to call him, they had to. Some big case, I guess." She looked sad and I noticed the calendar just behind her head. It was Monday but she wasn't at work either. She owned her own shop and could rarely take time off. She didn't like people working in her shop if they weren't family.

"I've got to make some calls to family today. I called school and they're collecting the remaining school work for you until the end of the year. The next few weeks will be hard on all of us and I assume you won't mind missing the last three weeks?" I didn't really mind, but I'd rather go to school than deal with the sadness responsible for my absence.

The week had passed and I had nothing to occupy my time. Well, I actually did. Alice had called multiple times asking if I was okay or if I needed her. I didn't want to be mean. You know, she's just trying to help and I appreciate it, I really do, but I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of my parents, Alice, or even facing the issue this Saturday. No, I was afraid of myself.

I was closing in on myself. Fast. I didn't like it one bit.

**So, I couldn't decide if I wanted to put the chapter up or keep going. That's what took this update so long. I'm Sorry! There's never really a good place to end when you have all these great ideas! **

**Anyway, I finally have motivation to write more for my stories! **

**I know you guys won't want to wait for a few weeks and I know it's far away…but I'm going to be an auntie again! When the baby is born I'll be busy helping out, because god knows they need it, but I'm making sure to update all of my stories before then! **

**I also have been working on my Polyvore and Blogger account. I'm obsessed with Polyvore so there's pointless fashion and art on there. Pictures and banners for my stories and this one are on there too, so go check it outtt! **

**http:/www**** (dot) polypore (dot) com/cgi/profile?id=2415959 **

**http:/hdygtlfanfiction**** (dot)blogspot (dot) com/**

**Replace the (dot) with a real one and you'll be on your way. If this doesn't work for you and you'd like to see it, PM me and I'll get it to you! These links will also be on my profile very soon so check for them there!**


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